July 22, 2024

Right now as Itype this, I am actually sitting in the shrine by Mother Joan, even though I probably won’t get to post this before tomorrow.

I am waiting, listening the rustle of the voices of other peole who have come so they can recieve either baths or whatever else it is they’re here to do. I know, what I am here to do, and feel it’s impolite to ask. There’s a weird lady who kinda gives me a slightly sinister, creepy feeling.

I can hear them filling up buckets of water, and there are men in the yard talking. Nicole, a woman who shares a godchild in common with me, is also here, she is a part of this shrine as well. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Right now, it’s something like 10.25pm, and the mosquitoes are thick and persistent, and I am bone weary.

On Monday night, keifel, Sterling, rentaempress and Gillian came by, and we drank and smoked cigarettes (those of us that do) and talked so much old talk and shit talk, it was great, a blast! We limed until something like 2am. keefs was off to Tennesee the next day to FINALLY be with victoria, so it was the last time to see him, for all of us who are headed in different directions. It was a fun night. We sang so many Sesame Street songs, and reminisced, and laughed, laughed, laughed. You know, this group is more my age, so the fun is a totally different nature than that with the youngwings.

Anyway, the moral of that story is that I got up and went to work the next day, and have been very productive over the course of the week. As usual, my project went to bed early and with noo errors that I can see, no doubt someone will boof me for something on Friday, but hey, I was satisfied with my work. It’s just so lovely how I can do it in so little time, with just minimal organisation.

Something is changing in my life. I am changing, for the better… I can feel it. The first steps have been taken, and the effects are palpable. Just being here, in the palais, I feel the ties and strictures holding me, binding me, falling away.

Both times I have come here in the past, I have had to get used to the waiting, waiting, that never seems to end. I guess it’s good to wait to a certain degree. At least it’s a matter of hours, and not months or years like I have been doing in the past. At least before I leave here tonight, a little more of this negative, debilitating, paralysing force with be removed.

I keep thinking, at least a part of me is questioning myself as to why I don’t feel more anger. The truth is, I really don’t feel angry, I feel resigned, determined, focussed, but not quite angry.
I feel in my enemy flies at me in an overt way again, I am going to put down the attack, but right now we are in stealth mode.

I have also had a lot of time to study my enemy. To get to understand the way in which she operates.


I’ve been home for about a half an hour.

I smell so sweet, so sweet. I feel soft and pliable, and quite warm. My body is heated from the inside out. The ile was very crowded tonight, there were about six or seven people there who were there for the same kind of help I was, or whatever help they were there for. I was the first person to do any bathing, so I was out of there about midnight.

What I observed, that impressed me, was the number of people there, and the number of people helping her.

There were young people, my age, who were there and they were the ones actually doing the work. Mother Joan supervised everything, but she didn’t seem to be physically doing anything. She was just this powerful presence, and her booming voice calling out, laughing and making jokes.

They feel more organised, more cohesive a unit than I have seen. Mother Joan looks like someone who knows her business. Knows what she is about, and her presence is both powerful and comforting. She’s a big, earthy, maternal woman.

Nicole was the sister who supervised my bath, and it was a rough and dry affair. She had me carry my bucket, and put it down behind the chaplet, where Osun, Yemoja, Oya, Ogun, Sango and Obatala were enshrined. I could feel the vibrations in the air around the area.

Then, like the last time, I stripped down to my skin and I lit a candle, and said some prayers, and while she went to get me a calabash, I started to wet down my hair with the solution in the bucket. When she handed it to me, I started pouring calabash-full amounts from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet and making sure that the entire surface of my body was covered.

After, the clean clothes I had brought with me, were bit by bit handed over and I began to dress.

About fifteen minutes later, Dale a guy who I assume is part of the shrine, came and annoited my head, my arms and legs. After I had had some time to kind of catch myself, I went and spoke to Mother Joan. She said she would give me a talisman after my next bath, and we chatted and she made me laugh.

I paid them for their services, and I feel good about it. Feel good about going there and let me tell you I think it worked, because I smell so good. I am smelling myself and I like it….

I was done by about 11.30pm, and I made my way home. I had walked out to the main road, earlier and bought some crackers from a little typical shop that sells the basics and nothing else. They didn’t even sell packs of cigarettes only loose ones, and had nothing other than small bottles of Classic Cola and plain Chinese noodles in packs. I passed on the loose cigarettes and Classic Cola, but bought some crackers.

The guy who owned the shop though, was giving me the eye. He wasn’t a bad looking fella either. His dreads only now pushing up, and slim framed, a full beard and such.

Later, when I went back out to catch a car, he came out from the shop and we stood there chatting amiably, he gave me two cigarettes and I smoked one while we talked. He took off after about ten minutes and came back three minutes later with a Supligen (Vanilla), and asked my name, my age and as a car arrived and I got in, he held the door for me, and asked me when he was going to see me again. I told him my name, and said I was due back next week.

I got a car into Chaguanas, then another one to Curepe. Then I got a maxi to the Croisee, and a car up Saddle Road, and poof! I was home by 12.30am. Everything went much smoother and was far less arduous than the last time I went, and right now I smell so sweet.

It’s 7pm and I still smell good, good, good.

Whatever it is they anointed me with after the bath, has me smelling like a flower. It’s a lush, gorgeous smell.

Today, for the very first time, I had someone come and clean my house for me. She came and mopped, swept, scrubbed the bathroom, cleaned my fan, organised my bedroom, changed my bed sheets… the house looks great! i decided that the pain in my arm was too much to keep pulling and irritating, and I care more about the house being clean. The woman who came has been cleaning my front neighbours apartment for a few months, so it wasn’t a big deal.

So my apartment is fresh and clean, and well, I’m tired, but feeling buoyant….


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dayo's mama, writer, web developer, orisha devotee, omo yemoja, dos aguas, apple addict, obsessive reader, sci-fi fan, blog pig, trini-bajan, book slut, second life entrepreneur, combermerian, baby mama, second life, music, music, music!

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Conan Gray
359 days ago