July 24, 2024

Starring Michael Cherrie — Caribbean Free Radio

I sense that my languishing is coming to an end. I feel in some ways I’ve wasted my time. For the last three weeks I have rarely crossed my foot out of the door. Even with sunshine, I have not left home. Instead, I have spent it organising mp3s and blogging.
I have become a yeti for some of my friends, hardly seen… even WORSE! (Horrifying!!!) I have yet to see Revenge of the Sith. Isn’t that awful?!! Shameful… I think whatever geek stripes I had after I lined up for Mac Os X Tiger, are now revoked because of this terrible lapse.

For the most part, I just can’t be assed to go anywhere. However, my food stores are now down low, low and I have another interview next week Thursday. Agencies are still calling, it’s making me realise that I am attractive in the market, and it’s kind of validating. I have two interviews next week, because now I’m up for two roles at that big mobile carrier, as well as another interview lined up for next week/. (That’s the one where two agencies were calling me about. The first agency got me an interview for next Tuesday). Especially because what I am being called for is not monkey shit… anyway, this sounds familiar, so I won’t repeat myself.

The point is, I sense this extended gluttony regarding ID3 tagging is going to come to an end. At least I have an iPod and can port this massive devotion to my iTunes library with me, complete with decent resolution album artwork.

In fact, the only times I have left home was to replace my laptop’s memory went it went wonky, and for the London Ifa & Orisha & Writer’s Meetup.com group’s gatherings I organise. Those were this weekend gone, two at once, and one on Sunday. The turnout’s were small, but they’ll get bigger I’m sure. Eventually.

Other than that, I have only gone as far as the bank machine and the corner shop. Oh, and to the interview of course. The rest of the time I’ve just stayed at home. All of that bathing and dressing and pressing and stressing with the transport system. This is of course a reaction to chore of commuting, but you know, I’ve stayed up until 2am, 3am in the morning playing with this laptop, and sleeping late, then sleeping some more if I want… I’ve watched some movies (I now have a bonafide DVD collection) and that’s it. It’s now getting quite dull and tedious.

I’ve also discovered another obsession, ridding my little room of dust bunnies. I sweep once or twice a day. Sometimes three times a day. I just hate to see the little clumps of fluff on the floor. I wash dishes, I am domestic too bad man. It’s an interesting experience, because in general I am not domestic at all. I haven’t ever been big on cooking just for me–although I love to cook for family and friends–and I’ve maintained that stance and have mostly been eating shit… I really need to sharpen up. My fingers are tingling from laptop abuse, and although I’m not getting fat, I am still not fit. I am also still smoking. I WILL get it together, I will!

I bought Nalo Hopkinson’s award-winning Salt Roads, and that’s actually the first book I’ve begun reading since the daily train rides, and before I bought the laptop. Oh my, Nalo is such a good writer. I’ve been reading her Blogspot, and we exchanged a few comments, but it was only because of the blog. Her writing is quite rare, and I appreciate the way she incorporates my culture as a child of the Caribbean, and my spiritual belief’s into these completely amazing narratives. Lawd oi! It is my regret that Salt Roads was the ONLY one of her books available in Waterstones (where the Meetups where scheduled to meet.) There was no Octavia Butler there either. I’m looking for more of her work. Lamentably a friend had loaned me Midnight Robber, and I just sat on that book for months because I was too busy editing the magazine and wasn’t in a reading mood.

These days I actually think this laptop is the devil. I’ve been so deprived in terms of a computer to work on, that I’ve gone in the other direction in terms of computer consumption too. I’ve been rationalising it that way anyway, but at the moment, it’s like I am chained to it. I think the Salt Roads is opening a a way in my mind though. My mind and spirit are waking up after weeks of stupor and excessive Internet and ID3 obsessions. I am reading more, starting to long for the outside world again.

I have started working in Piquant Bass again too. Dayo’s voice is strong, and he’s pushing the story at the moment. But I’m working on it. I’m trying to get up to 500 words a day, then see if more will come.

Okay, maybe the geek stripes haven’t been completely revoked, but you know, I think today’s the day for Revenge of the Sith.

I guess part of the reason why I haven’t gone, is because going to the cinema was part of this whole ritual thing with my brother. From the time my mother let my brother and I go to the cinema unaccompanied, my brother and I started gleefully doing it.

She’d give us enough money to get there and get in… but we’d make her pay for a bus ride across town, then walk across town and use the money (and that for the return journey) on pop-corn and drinks, then walk home. The walk home was the setting for these huge fights we’d have. Chile, I can’t even remember what we argued about. We would walk through the back streets of the outskirts of the City of Bridgetown, screaming at each other full blast, cursing each other out…. I never knew why, but it was this huge emotional release afterward going to the cinema. We still went without reservation, and it took us years to recognise that it was a pattern.

I think the screaming matches stopped, the night that we almost got mugged, but because I was so intent of cussing my brother, the guy moved on. I was oblivious to this, but my brother said the guy showed him the gun, and he was going to do it.

As we got older, and a lot of that anger subsided anyway, we kept going to the cinema together, particularly for big sci-fi extravaganzas, but it became a critical thing for us. We’d go and critique the film’s script, plot, special effects, set design, art design in general, lighting, etc. etc. My memories of most of the major films are wrapped up in memories of my brother. The last five Star Wars movies especially, since we went to the cinema together, and then spent many, many, many hours watching them again at home… over and over again. I’m talking hundreds and hundreds of watchings. I told you, I know the script to Empire Strikes back almost by heart.

Many a time, I paid for him to get into the cinema to watch other sci-fi extravaganzas when he had no money, because the only way I would enjoy the film, was if he was there.

I’ve gone to a number of film showings alone, mostly because we were living in different countries; but it’s not the being alone that bothers me. It’s the afterward part. When I come outside, there’ll be no one there to argue about the film with, to share the rosy afterglow of celluloid. Always in the past, when my brother isn’t there, I feel his absence most in the aftermath. Many times, I have found myself a little depressed afterward, and you know… for something like Revenge of the Sith, when I watch it, he won’t be there with me to vet… I guess, that’s why I haven’t gone. I also ordered the first three movies in the boxset, because I haven’t actually watched them for a little more than a year; but it hasn’t gotten here yet. Maybe this is why I haven’t gone to see it yet either… but hey. All the reasons in the world…

I also have no friends up here who are into Star Wars, or even sci-fi the way I am, so I have to do it alone. However, maybe today will be the day I grab the bull by the horns and go have a look at the thing. Shucks…

:sigh: My hermit days are winding down, I can feel it. I guess, even though a little room can hold me a while, eventually the world and life beckons. It’s kind of funny how my Orisha horoscope over at Caribbean Inside, always seems spot on regarding my state of mind when I read it. I must rejoin the flow of life, because this pause is boring now.

It’s also interesting, for me, because what I need the universe is sending for me in a very steady way. I wanted weeks to sleep and rest, and I got it. I want action now, and honey, action is what I am getting. I wonder if I wish for some good loving if that will flow too. I wish for it. I need it. Tired of being alone too. I want man company, male balance to my life. I want to settle down.

What better way than with the last instalment of the Star Wars saga?

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dayo's mama, writer, web developer, orisha devotee, omo yemoja, dos aguas, apple addict, obsessive reader, sci-fi fan, blog pig, trini-bajan, book slut, second life entrepreneur, combermerian, baby mama, second life, music, music, music!

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Conan Gray
361 days ago