May 24, 2024

I think the worse thing you can do, is offer to help someone, and then make them feel bad about it.

Asking for someone’s help is a hard thing. The people who find it easy and do it at the drop of a hat, without trepidation are the one’s who have real issues help won’t solve.

Yesterday, my cousin’s girlfriend asked me if I wanted a ride into London to go and get the rest of my stuff from where I was staying before.

I readily accepted, because all my books were in Charlton and I was slowly going crazy without reading material in Kent.

Most of the day was spent at this employment consultancy, that helps you to tighten up your CV. I was with her nephew, who was trying to get a student job. It was kind of a secondary mission, but I got one of the women there to look over my CV and give me some advice. It was very helpful advice, we’ll see if her suggestions do anything to get me some work.

We were starving by the time we got back to my cousin’s girlfriend’s place. Her nephew started working on some macaroni pie and fried fish. It took a few hours, and by the time it was over I was weak and lightheaded from the wait.

By the time he set the food out for me, I had enough time to swallow a few mouthfuls before she got home.

She wouldn’t even wait for me to finish, just hustled me out the door.

Then she bitched all the way in the car, about how she doesn’t like to go into areas where she doesn’t know. How she doesn’t drive her car out of the areas in which she is familiar. It was also about how we had to be before ten o’clock and such. It was all in this whiny little voice.

I felt really fucked up. In my head I was going, ‘Then why the fuck did you agree to do this, if you were going to bitch all the way there.’

Then we got there, got my stuff and off we went. She refused to take my directions about which turning we had to make, ignoring me when I said turn, and we drove past the turnoff three times before she realised I was right.

Bitch. Moan. Bitch. Moan.


I hate being fucking dependent on people.

I know when people ask me to do favours, and I know it’s out of my way, I say nothing. I do this favour without making them feel bad about putting me out. I am happy to help anyone in any way I can. If I can’t do it, I say so from the get go.

I know, not everyone is like me.

The more time I’ve spent with this girl over the last week or two, I realise she is as typical a Saggitarian as I’ve ever met, and well.. I don’t do well with Saggitarian females. I have a bad history with them. Trust me when I tell you, I have fundamental and serious personality conflicts with almost every one I have met, with ONE notable exception.

So I think I won’t be asking for too much assistance from her in the future.

I think it’s better to refuse a request than to do it with anything other than a good heart and intention.

Me, I believe in self reliance, and not being able to take care of my own shit is just getting me.

I know, I know, give it time. I’ll get there. Shit… I hope it’s soon.


On a positive note, I got a call from an agency regarding a Content Manager position up in Lancashire for a few months. It’s pretty good pay, and I’m hoping I can use it as an in into the IT industry, and get me enough money that do a couple more certifications.

It was a pretty positive phone interview, and well the guy told me he’d let me know by next Monday.

I also have to to hear from the people at the place I interviewed at on Friday, this Friday. So all is not bleek.

God is good.

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dayo's mama, writer, web developer, orisha devotee, omo yemoja, dos aguas, apple addict, obsessive reader, sci-fi fan, blog pig, trini-bajan, book slut, second life entrepreneur, combermerian, baby mama, second life, music, music, music!

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Conan Gray
300 days ago