May 21, 2024

Since I’ve been in England, I have been acutely aware of my depravation. I mean, barely having enough money to eat; nowhere to live… allyuh been reading, you know the story.

Of course, the thing that hurt me the most over the last two years or so, and make no joke, was the death of my iPod. I guess for someone who has never had one, there’s no way to explain how much it becomes a part of your modus operandi… it’s not the plastic and metal. It’s the ability to access every song you’ve ever loved, and hence all the memories and feelings associated with them. That’s what you love, it’s the feeling music gives you, packed into your pocket.

Once you get used to that, it’s extremely difficult to go back.

So I did something entirely for myself yesterday. Something unrelated to work, accommodation or food. My birthday is next week… well and truly into my 30s now.

Yesterday morning, still exhausted from last weekend’s killer pace, I popped up when the alarm went off. I put the kettle on, and set up my coffee, but as I sat on the edge of the bed, going through my mental room turning on all the switches, my body when behind me and turned them all off.

I just couldn’t force myself to do it… between the exhaustion of the weekend and the commute, it was too hard. So I pulled the duvet up over my heard and went back to sleep. I woke up briefly around 8:45am to call in and tell them it was my day off.

Eyaniev left this morning to go back to Bim, and she and I hooked up yesterday afternoon. First it was off to Mahie’s to collect some stuff, then we roamed down Oxford St.

I didn’t tell her what I was doing, just mysteriously said I was going to do something for myself I was dying to do.

So I led her down Regent St, and then into the Apple Store.

I just couldn’t stand it anymore! I left Trinidad with the money to buy an iPod, then got up here and in sympathy with monilove and her flatmate, chose to buy food and live off that money instead. Again, allyuh know that story, oui?

I guess it was the right decision, because at the time, if I had done what I had wanted, my crisis would have started much sooner…. no wait, what am I saying… crisis started two weeks in! Anyway, that’s besides the point. I did what I felt was the right thing. Only thing is, if I had bought the iPod when I first got here, believe you met the first six months would have been more bearable.

Anyway, Eyaniev with me egging me on, I bought me a 30BG iPod Photo for my 31st birthday.

It still hasn’t sunk in… I am back in the land of iPod.

Eyaniev was the nail in the coffin. If I had gone there on my own, I think I might have talked myself out of it. It’s just that spending money on myself is really hard for me to do. You get into the habit of depriving yourself because you don’t have money to do this or that. You end up thinking, ‘I can do without this. I don’t absolutely need this.’

But then you realise you’re working only to pay bills, and leaving no room for life pleasures.

Well, I had the money… it wasn’t going to put me in jepoardy to spend it, so I did it. I bought the iPod.

Afterwards, I kept saying “I can’t believe I did that! I can’t believe I did that!”

Eyaniev kept saying, “I can’t believe I’m going home tomorrow! I can’t believe I’m going home tomorrow!”

We were both shoring each other up… I later got a little rain-coat/spring coat and a pair of Gap chinos for £7 & £9.99 respectively.

I’m working next week on my birthday, but in a way, yesterday was my celebration.

I paid the fucking landlord too…. but didn’t give them one cent more than I owed! Late fees my fat ass!

Anyway, the sun is shining super-bright, I’m feeling light and happy and iPodding my soul to contentment.


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dayo's mama, writer, web developer, orisha devotee, omo yemoja, dos aguas, apple addict, obsessive reader, sci-fi fan, blog pig, trini-bajan, book slut, second life entrepreneur, combermerian, baby mama, second life, music, music, music!

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Conan Gray
298 days ago