So I think the time has come.
My friend keifel is currently in the process of getting some ink done and I know that now is the right time to go get my first tattoo.
Now it’s not just any tattoo mind you.
I know it’s probably pretty popular, but I want a ying and yang wreathed in flames; want in red and black.
Keffi had this kind of tattoo on her ankle. She got it deep in her dark days in UWI, and she never really told me why she did. She others… one on her left shoulder a broken heart, the two halves separated yet connected by a knife… (wow forget I remembered that tattoo).
I loved the one on her ankle though…. I used to tease her and tell her I was going to steal her mark. Now all her flesh that bore that mark has gone back to the earth, I am preparing to steal her mark.
I have multiple peircings…. she and I did that together a few times. We peirced our ears together, our noses (me one week after my rape as a sign of complete rebellion and as a permanent reminder of the experience and how to turn something ugly into something beautiful) together and we pierced our belly buttons together. (the belly buttons didn’t go well…)
I peirced my belly button alone but triumphant in South Beach with two white guys eyeing me up. I did it because I wanted to do it properly and at the time, there really weren’t any body shops like that in Barbados. I also did it because I had lost, like forty pounds and damnit I wanted to celebrate!
Anyhoo, the year after my girl died I pierced my tongue. That was because I learnt to hold my tongue and to celebrate the first time I swallowed cum, and because I couldn’t fucking believe I had survived losing my fucking best friend.
I think the time is right because I am developing a burgeoning case of independence. I am also had a nice long period of stable employment and my eventual even keel at work developing (although I still fucking hate it! We’re in a rabbit coop!!!!) has made me feel like an adult and a woman. I’ve also made a recommitment to my goals in life, short-term and long-term. I am even feeling a strength developing and growing in my spiritual life, as well. I think I am on the crest of something big. It’s coming soon. It’s like a year or two away, but it’s definitely coming.
I think I need to mark this moment down on my body. I am a beautiful woman about to enter my most beautiful, sexual time, the height of my abilities…. I can feel it. I know what I am about and I am getting ready.
So I am preparing to steal Keffi’s mark for real. I’ve been saying it for seven or eight years I think it’s time.
I am quite excited actually.
I think though, I am going incorporate her mark into a greater statement.
I think I shall have the sun’s flames creep around my ankle in a bracelet and I want her name in it somewhere, and maybe the names of her daughters, perhaps all my god-daughters.
Maybe I’ll put my mother Oshun’s name in there somewhere… and maybe I will include yellow in it as well as red and black. See, it’ll be Keffi’s mark, but it will be me too.
God I fucking miss her. It’s been almost three years, but there are some mornings when all I can do is cry… there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her. I am so glad that I was a good friend to her before she died. I am so glad I told her I loved her casually and seriously, that I could be there for her when she needed someone, because now all that love is in the Universe and is blessing me. I know it. Deep inside I know it. She’s going to come back too.
She might be my daughter, she might be my grand-daughter, but she is coming back into my life…. I know her soul too well.
Yes, yes…. time for some ink…. auspicious beginning, knowing me, it won’t be my last tattoo. You can’t try something once, you have to do it at least twice to form an opinion.
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