I don’t like my job, and beyond making sure that the project they are paying me to do, goes through production safely and on time (and we’re always on time) I don’t see why I must exert myself.
It’s not that it’s strictly boring–okay, I find it amazingly boring–there’s no intellectual fibre to the project, because my ‘superiors’ have decided to dumb it down. The project is also severely under capitalised, lacking in resources and I am the only person involved with it, that meets my weekly commitments. My boss thinks it”s clever to make allusions to my ability to do it all, without help, like I’m some kind of superwoman.
My boss also has this annoying habit of sneaking up on me and it’s completely unnerving. I just sense a presence at my elbow, and there he is, looking over my shoulder. Right up under me! How can he possibly think that this is a sign of good leadership?
Apart from that, I just found out that this woman in personnel fucked up my vacation time, and I am still owed another week. She was trying to convince me that when they say 21 days, they count Saturdays and Sundays as well. WHAT THE FUCK! I never hear of that before.
What’s more, I am finding it harder and harder being the only one responsible for the quality, something none of the other people on my level or above have to do. My boss gives me this bullshit about the quantity not being overwhelming enough to warrant another person assisting with the fine details of production. What is worse, I am the only project leader that has to do this; all the others have people to help them.
I think my boss is setting me up. I think he’s doing it because I went over his head last year (unbeknownst to me) and asked for something meaty from the Big Boss last year. Ever since then, although he seems quite helpful and supportive at times, it’s as though he wants to see me fuck up. Pity I haven’t and the project has been taking off.
Bleh… England is so inviting right now. Elsewhere, other things, more bullshit certainly, just not this bullshit.
I want to feel satisfied by what I do. To be able to jump out of bed every morning and race down to work to do everything I need to. Right now, I’;m lucky to scrape myself out of bed and force myself down to the office before midday.
I am so unmotivated. I also think I need a raise of some sort, or an increase in the project somehow to make it tolerable.
Fuck it! I want to get on a plane… wanderlust is burning in me, deep.
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