The irony of this particular ‘meme’ thing, is that PHG/SweetThing/ImFuckingFedup’ sent this to me, dated the last time he and I had sex almost one year ago.
There’s a part of me, that occasionally returns to worry the bones of dead things. People say it’s a terrible thing to do, but I often think of it as an opportunity to seek wisdom and truth in all things.
I’ve been going through my e-mail software and deleting all these old e-mails, something like six or seven thousand of them. I’m finding hundreds of forwards that he sent me over the years, before the bullshit and the ‘hornerman’ came to play.
These forwards, inspirational messages, quotes, some actual correspondence and other cloggers of bandwidth, have been sitting on my hard drive, transported (and I’m sad to say) permanently backed up on CDs more than once. However, I’m going through and removing and reading, rereading and such, deleting mercilessly.
It’s an interesting experience, if only for the fact that I remember, I almost never answered his forwards. I never sent any to him and I find the metaphor in it so amusing in a sad, wistful sort of way, as to pull this one out and slap it into my little instant gratification box.
Here’s the meme. His responses are here on my hard drive, in the throes of a purge session right now.
What five things have you done in your life that you are most proud of?
Sunhead, HYPE, GSpot (oddly), opening Barbados’ first cybercafe, and speaking at the BWN conference and accepting an award there.
If your partner had an affair, how would you react? Could you forgive him or her?
I would be annoyed if it was done in a duplicitous way, and great treachery was involved. I always forgive, I’ve very soft. However, I learn from my mistakes. In most cases, I’m like water anyway, and men can’t hold me. Or at least, the man that did hold me, let me go in the end anyway.
Over the last five years how do you think you have changed for the worse? Better?
Better. Definitely better. Much growth and struggle has refined and refocussed me. I find it interesting this question is sent to me, by one of my hardest trials in life. Trial in a good sense, because my interaction with PHG forced me in so many ways to confront myself and what I was doing. To confront another person and what they were doing. I had to relearn lessons I was born knowing, and things I held true to when I was growing up, and somehow managed to lose in my twenties. It was something that was pulled out of me and replaced by some other spirit. So yes, I think the last five years have been cathartic, and it has forced me in all ways to push past the trappings and holds, strictures and forces working against me. It forced me to come back to being true to myself. I’m not saying PHG was responsible for that. He was merely catalyst for an inevitable change, and some damn good dick. In the end, I walked away for my own good, because it was necessary for that learning process to; that particular cycle to end. Nah, he was as much a catalyst as Keffi’s death, coming to Trinidad, exploring Orisa and interacting with the energy of the Universe in that way, my experiences with Astra and my love for RBB. It’s all tied up in the same thing. So yes, trials and tribulations have turned me into someone I think can survive these things… I’ve been through the worst and survived, strong enough to survive the sweet, honeyed joy that life also provides for me. Modupe! Mojuba!
On which topics do you feel qualified at giving advice?
Hmmm… I’m always hesitant to really give advice. However, sharing knowledge is always more interesting… and valuable.
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