May 27, 2024

I’m getting to this dontcareish point where I just not letting myself get worked up over anything anymore. Where are my feelings?

I am getting fat!!! I’ve put on weight over the last three months, and a lot of it has to do with not being able to settle down and worrying. I wish money wasn’t an issue. I wish I…. I don’t know what I wish to be truthful.

My line manager is trying squeeze out as many days, managing to extend my contract by almost two weeks, which is good, because that gives me more time to figure out what the ass I’m doing.

I am quite eager now for the fat hairy bitch with crabs and constipation that this commute to stop being a regular part of my life. Now that I know that I’m leaving for sure, and there’s a date attached to this, I just wish it would hurry up and finish so I can get on with my life.

In a very real way, I’m preparing myself for the possibility of going back South for a few months at least… however, like always my belly is telling me it won’t come to that.

For now, it’s good enough for me to know that I am getting a couple more weeks of work (and since I’m on a daily rate, it’s the days that count!!) and tomorrow I begin a four-day weekend!!

Oh yes, oh yes! Four days of not battling the train… of sleeping until 9am (I’ve tried and I simply can’t sleep past 9am anymore.)

Tomorrow is also the worldwide launch of MacOsX Tiger and I want to go to the launch party at the Regent St. Apple Store. I want to line up like a geek for hours so I can say I did that shit. Those are experiences you don’t get down South, so I’d like to soak it up.

I spoke to my mother twice yesterday, and I didn’t tell her about the contract not getting renewed. I don’t know why, but I simply didn’t have the energy to deal with her disappointment, her negativity and such. It’s not that she’d say it’s my fault or anything, it’s just I can’t handle the disappointment in her voice, and knowing her, she could quite easily say something she considers to be the ‘truth’ of my situation, but in fact is quite mean. I just can’t face that.

This is weird for me because I usually tell my mother everything as it happens. So to have known such life effecting news for now two whole days and not called her and told her, feels very weird. It feels grown up too, I must say. In a way it’s my independence from having to report all my activities. I’m accountable certainly, but to myself, not my mother.

At any rate, more possibilities and opportunities are presenting themselves. I’ve been steadily sending out at least ten CVs a day, and getting call backs so at least I’m not desolate…

This weekend as well, is a White Bath weekend and I plan a feast for my Egun. Prayer helps… helps one to focus on that which is important: the balance between the temporal and spiritual.

God is good!

So it’s not quite that I’m dontcareish. It’s more like I am not sweating anything anymore.

Right now, I just want to focus on spiritual growth and dropping poundage. I’m getting fat ya’ll… it’s terrible. My eating habits have never been good, and I’m feeling it catching up with me, no joke.

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dayo's mama, writer, web developer, orisha devotee, omo yemoja, dos aguas, apple addict, obsessive reader, sci-fi fan, blog pig, trini-bajan, book slut, second life entrepreneur, combermerian, baby mama, second life, music, music, music!

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Conan Gray
303 days ago