Run Down Blues

I am still enjoying work. I'm learning xml and that in itself is interesting, but the work itself is interesting.

I must say though, I don't know how much longer I can keep up the commuting thing. It's really taking a lot out of me. I have to get up at 5.30am to meet the 7.34am train, and it's the same trip back in the evenings. End result: I have no time to do anything and that is slightly depressing. However, with what they're paying me, I could stand the nuisance of it for at least a while.

I'm still going to send out my CVs and stuff, because if I could get something actually in London paying me the same it would be C-A-P-I-T-A-L.

I have noticed that there are quite a few geek boys here who seem to have little crushes on me. They say the nicest things, no joke. I can't tell if it's because they have manners or if they think I'm cute or exotic or what.

I must say though, I do step out to the 'smoker's lounge'(a covered, cold-as-ass, windy alcove around the fire escapes attached to each building) because I get a little 'ethnically fatigued' from time to time. It's not individuals eh, it's just I miss brown faces a lot, and sometimes I feel as though these lot don't even speak the same language. English culture is so full of contradictions, they're friendly but not too much so and because this is a huge corporate campus knee deep in new cutting edge media, it can be a bit to process sometimes.

Anyway, like I told my mother, this job is a bridge like anything else.

I have begun my search for a flat in earnest. I really do need to get somewhere soon, because Ms. G and pickney come back next week Wednesday, and while I don't think that she will put me out on the street, I really don't think I want to be there too long.

So I've been combing Gumtree.com looking for flats.

I ain't goan lie: I'm worried. I don't know if I can afford to rent a place yet. I am worried I may have to save my money for another month before I can do it. Also, people are talking about one year contracts and shit, and me doan know what happening to me after the end of April, far less a year from now.

Shit... chile, if it ain't one thing, it's another. Still looking though. Will say some prayers on it and see what happens this weekend.

I'm supposed to be going to see two places this evening, and got invited to see somewhere else over the weekend. SO we'll see.

:sigh: Horny, horny, horny.

Jammin' J's been running my ass down, but you know he's a little too agressive for my liking and I really don't think we have much in common.

I guess gone are the days when I tried on whichever guy showed up to the dance and wanted to put a line on my dance card.

To be perfectly honest, I really just want to be alone. I want time and space to myself.

I definitely am not really interested in a relationship, and Jammin J like he want to own me or something. I don't appreciate his agressive 'sense of humour'. He says shit, and then says he's joking and that is annoying me. He's also calling me, calling me, calling me.... shit. Allyuh find ah too picky.

:sigh: Still horny... but not for Jammin J, not for the Aussie, not for anyone. Right now I am kind of glad YMK isn't around, because then that would be a whole heap of pressure too, wouldn't it? Just pressure of another sort.

Mostly right now, I just want to settle back into myself. To be secure enough financially that I can just stretch the edges of this new skin I've acquired.

I've been enjoying my relative alone-ness, although it's not in my own place. I want to unpack my shit which have been in bags and suitcases and boxes for the last seven months. I'm just so tired of it... tired of having to dig everything out of the said container. Tired of unpacking only to pack again in a few weeks.

Feeling kind of sicky again too... want to go home now. Room is spinng and well, I'm bored at the moment. Nothing to do until Monday.

I also miss writing... it's amazing how something because so much a part of your id, that a mere few weeks without it you feel unwhole, like some vital part of yourself is being left somewhere like old shoes.

:sigh: Today is a ho hum day.

Today, while I was on the train coming to work and the Aussie and I were chatting away, I casually said I was so glad Saturday was just two more days away, and he said that today was Friday. I was so gleeful I laughed and laughed. The high point of my week is getting to sleep late on the weekends, and I've become a clockwatcher again.

Maybe I'll get a chance to write this weekend.

I guess my Osun horoscope for this week was spot on... I feel run down. Think I'll do that beer bath tonight.